does dolly parton sleep on her back?

i guess we finally know the answer.

after the first few days and the fog had lifted a bit

it hit me: i am a mom.

it was a lot to take in.

mostly cause what was just

"going through the motions"

suddenly became a bit of a challenge.

night one,

boston slept 5 hours,

feedings were going well,

 i was on drugs

and a cord was doing the peeing for me.

life was good.

around wednesday or so,

i woke up with dolly partons

so, i did me a lot of research before i got into this gig.

i knew about the bleeding {which turned out to be not that bad at all}

i knew about the cramps {controllable with lots of meds}

and i knew milk happens- 

no one told me that they would be  

cantalope-sized monsters

that make life hard on B and me.

the poor guy couldn't handle the sudden

double bacon burger with cheese,

and had trouble latching all of the sudden.

that afternoon, we found out he was also tongue-tied

which meant his tongue couldn't distend out of his mouth-

ouchville.

thursday morning,

we had his tongue and wee wee clipped,

and i met with a lactation specialist.

she assured me the clipping would help and should not

be so painful soon- he just had to re-learn to latch correctly.

we went home, and i wept every 3 hours,

for a solid 15 minutes.

{at least he is on a schedule, right?}

i tried using a shield and he wouldn't take it,

nor did it take away the pain...

the other obvious issue is the sheer amount...

i literally drip without any help...

so i feel i owe it to all those mothers that can't produce

and wish they could,

so i have been doing my best to fight through it.

plus i believe in breastfeeding 122%.

i owe it to him too.

the girls are currently wrapped in ice,

and when they aren't,

they are cuddled in cabbage and lanolin.

my mom even introduced me to "shells" that help capture

excess and shield from even more cracking and blistering... 

the other night,
when i sat rocking B and streaming milk and tears,

cc came in and reminded me that B is healthy and gaining weight...

so far the work is worth the sacrifice.

i will never look at another mother 
the same again.

he then packed me up and put me to bed.

when he came back in, he offered to get me dinner,

we settled on dominos.

then we had a friend come over and help give me a blessing.
a privilege i have used a few times recently

 the last two nights,
B and me have done a little better.

he stayed nice and calm when we got up 

and though i still had lots of pain- 

he helped me feel lots better too.

 i have been pumping first so i could breathe.

i have bottled about the same amount as b takes in.

though initially painful,

it wasn't nearly as excruciating as it can be.

after we were done,

i thanked him for helping me feel better.

we're like a team...

saving the world, 

one boob at a time...

yesterday morning,
after a painful and tearful few minutes,

we caught a first:

worth every second.

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